Can 17,000 break a man?
I say it can.
frittered away sparingly, yet endlessly
On dreams partially relinquished, but also freely shared
with those equally as deserving.
On dedication, devotion, honor, and good faith
For the hope of a good break, of a brighter tomorrow.
For the good of those around oneself
lovers, friends, neighbors, colleagues, strangers.
All friends.
Power given up
for the good of others
to enhance and shape the world around oneself.
Sacrifice
Given not out of self-pity, but out of love, pure love.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Not out of a belief in karma, but goodwill.
The will for everyone to fight onward.
Identification of the cause
Directing of the compass
Respect, for the universal struggle
Charity, for the grotesque unfairness of everyday life
and the weight of expectations that each of us bear
Oneness, with the the things that connect and separate us all
Seventeen thousand questions less on this earth
Turned to possibility
instead of probability.
Seventeen thousand is a small number,
very small indeed.
17,000 can break a man
as much as it can make one.
August 29, 2026
On Discipline
Hello Good Morning, Konichiwaaaa, Namaste, GuMo, Selamat pagi, zaoshang hao
A humbling fact of life is that one’s own talents and intelligence do not necessarily guarantee success, nor a wholesome feeling of wellness, on mere account of their existence. I’ve learned this the hard way, myself. As a supposed gifted child in elementary school, I found myself singled out at the top of the class, reading far above my age level, and generally absorbing information much faster than my fellow students. Later on, as my brain began to fill with all many obsessive interests, room to include other topics became ever more difficult. Energy devoted to absorb information regarding math came at a slower pace than say geography, or history, which I found naturally interesting.
In a young person’s mind, one of the most difficult things to do is remaining disciplined. Most children are disciplined by their parents, teachers and peers. Others, depending on factors in their lives, discipline themselves, often as a result of unstable or uncertain circumstances, and a genuine need to act, to survive. In a society where we are coddled, and raised gently as children, given participation awards, and are more slowly introduced to the rites of passage which confer upon us responsibility, and in-turn develop self-discipline, people who suffer earliest in life have a natural head-start. They are go-getters, they know exactly what they want, or at least what they do not want, and they strive from a younger age than most, to achieve those goals.
The Roman poet, Juvenal, wrote in his work, Satire X, about a “A sound mind in a sound body,” “mens sana in corpore sano”. The phrase dictates that well-being and harmony in the individual comes from the existence of both a mind and body which are in good standing with one another. This relationship, when held in balance, affords one an effective longevity of free movement, thinking prowess, and emotional regulation. When either, or both of these factors fall out of synchronization, shortcomings in one’s moral character begin to slowly reveal themselves.
This is not to say that humans are necessarily good, nor bad, when they do not adequately care for one of these facets of their being, or another, but they may suffer consequences of wellbeing, dignity, and respect from peers, loved ones, and themselves. People who hold themselves to higher mental and physical standards are simply less likely to be attracted to those who do not. Eventually, for those who languish in adulthood, comes a point where excuses can no longer be made and the quest to find inner success re-emerges in the form of self-discipline.
Discipline is a complicated subject, because typically, the assumption is that it must be externally invoked – that is; parents, schools, military, societal law, rules, and punishments are invoked as consequences for ones who do not obey rules or guidelines. This disciplining is meant to create order, stability, and harmony within families, partnerships, education and professional institutions, and societies. What has become more clear over time is that extrinsic motivations do not necessarily work on a large portion of the population; at least not for long. The moment the panopticon switches its gaze to a different subject, whoever is being examined can immediately let their guard down. They hold themselves a certain way while under the impression they are being watched, only to appease and conform to the pressure of extrinsic factors, such as the fear of punishment. Sometimes, the anxiety caused by the expectation of such punishment, on assumption of their own incompetence causes one to freeze, and stifles their ability to function completely. At some point, doing only just enough to avoid punishment when the panopticon is looking, is all that one manages to achieve. And for the better part of their involvement in any task, they now live with the assumption that even if they start, the punishment is already on its way.
This universal, often fascistic notion of discipline exists in all corners of the world today. Punishment is doled out based on moral principle alone, and does not look to the future, at the desired end result in the mind of the individual, or the group, pair, family under scrutiny. It looks only at the present moment, and the past: what has been done, or not done, and what is the state of things now as a result of those actions, and how is one rewarded or not rewarded for those actions? Those are primarily the questions asked. Punctuality, standards of work, the image of self-worth created within the rubric-lines of a sheet of graph paper.
Deviate from grid-lines, and you will be reprimanded. Work too diligently in a particular direction, and you will be questioned on why you did not focus your efforts elsewhere. Work too little on something that actually, could really be done later, and you will be asked why it was not done, because it is in the daily plan. Punishment comes in the form of privileges taken away, beatings, verbal reprimanding, isolation, monetary fines, and more.
Avoidance becomes the technique under which people don the mask of discipline, and can be motivated to work, follow the rules, and carry-on as functional members of a society, clan, unit, or partnership. The issues with extrinsically motivated discipline lie in its temporality. We go to work in a suit, or a uniform, or with a certain face on, so that we may earn our share of society, be rewarded, and return home, to act in another way. We change faces in order to get what we want. Our face at work gains us material rewards, an image, an ego, which we bring home to our family, or ourselves, or our loved ones. Then we shapeshift back, to a less disciplined version of ourselves, that lounges on the sofa, that consumes copiously, that seeks refuge under blankets – a totally different character than the one we will take to work again the following morning or evening.
What we have done in this process of appeasement is to avoid our basic nature, by grafting on the mask of discipline, or sweetness, or anger, or whatever other mask we need in order to get what we want, and then to take it off again when we have accrued whatever it is we desire. Enforced from the fascistic notion of discipline, is that we reward, or punish based on conditions set by an authority from above, or from one to another. We write checklists that determine worthiness based upon preconceived expectations which are very literal, and often shallow in scope. We enforce coercive control upon one’s psyche to extract results, and then let that psyche free until the next time we want something. In a way, it’s a form of spiritual consumption, we take and give from one another, it’s only natural, Others have what we often do not, and so we want some of that to complete ourselves. But we also have to give back something if we take something, or the bounds of entropy are breached, and the relationship cannot sustain itself any longer.
Life is give and take; things are exchanged, and entropy preserved. Our conditions as human beings are governed by society and its exploitative means, which supposedly preserve equilibrium, security, peace and justice. Our upbringings, our family unit and the ways in which they absorb those qualities from society, eventually reflect inwards at ourselves. This forms our initial sense of self-discipline, and dictates how we navigate life and its myriad of possibilities, challenges and potential rewards; at least at the outset, before the awakening.
The question we must ask ourselves in human relationships is not what one person is doing for the other, and vice-versa, but what is the value of what one does for one person in relation to what they do for the other. What is provided from either end, and what is missing in-between? Is the value of whatever is missing so great, that it eclipses everything else. Can it be negotiated? Can it be avoided? Can compromise be met? Can it be gained through the combined, coordinated efforts of both entities? Teamwork, creation of a common cause, upholding of one-another for the explicit achievement of that cause. At this point, the mask of extrinsic discipline has great potential for practical use, because the goal, the means to achieve the goal, and the punishment or consequences affect both individuals based on mutual understanding. Both put in the work, according to a ruleset, both can then strive, achieve, and assess the value of one anothers’ contributions, for the attainment of that agreed-upon common goal. Success, failure or anything in-between affect the entire unit. Long term goals beget short term goals. A series or matrix of completed short term goals create the basis for the attainment of long-term goals. This agreement can be implemented among any number of goals, in order to achieve gains and positioning to bolster and protect the basic unit of love, defined through intimacy, passion and commitment.
Another fascinating take on the concept of discipline, which holds many definitions under the same word, comes from the island nation of Japan. In Japan, discipline is separated into four distinct words, which each carry their own definition and context. Interestingly, only one of these definitions comes from an extrinsic.
- 自制心 (Jiseishin): Internal self-control and restraint of one’s own desires or emotions.
- 規律 (Kiritsu): Public order, rules, and external standards maintained in groups, schools, or workplaces.
- 躾 (Shitsuke): The traditional art of training and upbringing (literally “attaching beauty to the body”) to instill grace, manners, and respect naturally.
- 修行 (Shūgyō): Rigorous physical or mental training, often used in martial arts or mastery of a craft
One assumption, or grandiose truth about large-scale human societies is that law and order must always exist in some form or another. The existence of an over-arching entity, which in some way or another enforces control and stability upon a populace through dictation of rights and wrongs, and delivery of punishment to those who
Applying concepts of Kiritsu in a domestic context, such as a partnership, is difficult to explain. Often spoken about is the concept of ‘who wears the pants,’ the one who calls the shots in the relationship; the captain and lieutenant, carriage driver and passenger, or any number of analogies that refer to a front leader and a back leader, or the protector the protected, who nurtures and cares for the one who faces the storm outside. But the general understanding of love and relationships today is that things such as boundaries and trust exist, and they must be not only respected, but punishments also exist for breaching those boundaries and associated trust. Two individuals, side-by-side, bonded by love, but each wholly responsible for dialogue and attainment across a bureaucratic barrier, that when ruptured, taints the pristine inner core of intimacy, passion and commitment.
Shitsuke, Jiseishin and Shūgyō interrupt, and enhance the supposed primacy of Kiritsu, which we as humans have placed progressively more emphasis on since the development of advanced large-scale societies following the first and second industrial revolutions. Jiseishin calls for continual self-discipline of one’s emotions and desires
I’ve come to a point in my life, where I must practice a form of radical self-discipline. I feel tired, I feel exhausted by the world, but I realize I have folded under a weight developed within my own head. Self discipline. Discipline, discipline, discipline, discipline. That is all this year is going to be about. Self-discipline, even if for the attainment of something, somebody, the preservation of a job, a relationship, or a future goal I wish to obtain. I first do it for myself, I hold myself to a strong self-discipline.
Shitsuke I wake up, I clean myself. I sit down and focus on eating. I inspect myself in the mirror, to determine whether or not a haircut or shave is needed. I pay attention to my body, my changes in weight, my aches and pains, my mental state. When I first wake up, I put my inner and outer beauty first. I focus on things that make the morning bright. I open a window, I clean something, I listen to some music, or dance. I hug somebody. If I’m alone, maybe I hug myself. Maybe I will cry. I do whatever is needed to create within me an inner sense of grace and beauty, to better uphold myself, and take on the rigors the day has in store.
Shūgyō I work in a physical environment. It trains and disciplines my body as much as it wears it down. I must remain wary of my physical fitness outside of this workplace, I make sure to attend yoga at least once a week, twice will be better. Pilates can take the place of a third or fourth day in the week. But I am disciplining other crafts as well. Photography and DJing recordings will take up the seat of my master crafts. Creation and recreation. Everyday, every week, at least one, if not two, all three is amazing and most preferable.
Jiseishin Desire is the root of all suffering. Desire itself does not cause suffering, rather the consequences derived from the attainment or post-attainment of that desire, that need, that compulsion. To have desires is a normal thing. To act on them without compunction is wrong. To act on them, and regret them, is okay, and normal. In fact, it happens daily, in big and in small ways. We cannot be perfect people all of the time. But this year, I have resolved to push desire away. Desire comes in many forms. Products, which appear to enhance my Shitsuke or Jieseishin, but I do not have time to use them. Food, which I do not need to indulge in eatIng. The invitation of a friend, which promises relief from the everyday routine and familiarity, and connection. A flirt, that would satisfy my loneliness. Frivolous purchases which are soon forgotten, and do not practically enhance my daily life. A cry for help, which satisfies my tragic lust for altruism. Articles and music, which keep me up later than I should be. If I give into desire, I do so with boundaries, and with respect for myself and the other person or people involved.
Discipline is about waking up. Discipline is about going to sleep. Discipline is about saying ‘no’. Discipline is about prioritization of tasks. Discipline is about not doing too much, but also not doing too little. Discipline is about controlling emotions. Discipline is about inspecting my own needs. Discipline is about asking what my needs even are. Discipline is about setting my own needs first, and by communicating clearly and fairly to others that I am doing it, why I am doing it, and taking responsibility for the disruption it causes to their lives as well, and to make things right when it does. Because we are all in a chaotic and unfair world. We are all connected, we all feel pain, we all seek relief from that pain, and we all rely on one another’s continual presence, good deeds, and accountability to make this world a better place. Even if we do place ourselves first, in whatever sense we do that, we must also answer to our responsibility to others, and we must not forget what we mean to them, and what they mean to us.
August 30, 2026
Portfolio - Alex Boccia 